Happy New Year!!!! I know I know, I’m a little bit late. As you guys may have noticed, I’ve been pretty MIA both here my blog and social media lately. Honestly I needed a break. I needed to disconnect from the Internet. Unplug and unwind. I originally wanted to because it was the holidays and I really wanted to focus as much as I could on my family and spending as much quality time with them as possible. So I promised myself I was going to take a few days off of my blog. And I’m so glad I did. From December 20th (which is the last day that I blogged) until Christmas day, I was so happy and relaxed. I went from spending about 7 hours a day on my phone (I have Apple’s screen time feature to thank for giving me that number. I can’t believe I spent that much time a day on my phone!), to spending almost no time on my phone at all. It felt weird but it felt nice. And I can say that this Christmas with Molly was absolutely magical! The excitement and magic of it all and seeing it through her eyes is something I’ll never forget. She got all the “pink wrapped presents” she asked Santa for, a Moana crabby and a Molly-sized police car that she drives around – her favorite thing to do is arrest Riley and give him time outs. Ha! And of course it was Riley’s very first Christmas as well. And everything he’s a part of is just better because he’s such an awesome little dude!
But the plan after Christmas was to jump back into my blog. I wanted to recap my 2018 and thank all of you for making this little blog/business of mine so successful this year. I want to talk about my New Year’s resolutions, or really my lack of New Year’s resolutions. This year I really just want to focus on accepting myself, loving myself and being the most authentic version of me. I planned on writing about all of this and encouraging you all to do the same. But every time I would sit in front of my computer I would stare at it blankly for sometimes up to an hour almost paralyzed. I couldn’t start. I couldn’t move. I didn’t know what was up with me and I started to get down. So then I thought I’d go to social media for some inspiration. Reading my comments from you guys always invigorates me because I know I’m touching peoples lives out there and that’s what keeps me going every day. But after I would read some of your amazing comments, I’d start scrolling my feed and crippling anxiety would take over me. I was seeing all the things people were doing all over the country with their families and I started to feel sad. And it was the weirdest thing to me because I have the best family ever! Not only my extended family but my little family of Kevin, Molly, Riley and our dog Owen. I am so incredibly fortunate and lucky to have such an incredible family to call my own. So why was I feeling depressed about what other people were doing with their families? I couldn’t figure it out.
It finally dawned on me that maybe I was suffering from postpartum depression. Is it possible to suffer from postpartum depression late in the first year? So I started googling it right away. I knew of course that many people get down around the holidays, but this seemed like something more to me. And I’ve never really been the type of person to feel sad after Christmas was over. So through my research I saw that women can actually experience postpartum depression anytime within the first year after giving birth. More specifically, I was googling postpartum depression at 7 months postpartum (since that’s what I am right now). And I found so many stories of women that experienced it at this exact time. Also, I just got that D & C surgery to remove the leftover placenta in my uterus and that has really thrown my hormones out of whack. It totally messed up my cycle (yes I got my cycle back at three months postpartum even though I’ve been breastfeeding consistently). So I thought maybe that had something to do with my hormones and could possibly be postpartum depression.
I talked to Kevin about it and of course he was more than supportive. He told me to take anytime I needed and he would help me in anyway he could. So for a couple days I napped a lot. Which at first made me feel worse because I felt like I wasn’t being a good parent. But after a few days of that I started to force myself to get out of the house, and I felt so much better. Almost instantly honestly.Which made me wonder if that’s why some people feel down around the holidays. I mean I know people feel down for a number of reasons, especially if they’re having a hard time in their life or if they aren’t very close with their families. The holidays can be a very hard time for many. But I also think it has something to do with being cooped up in your home for an extended period of time. Taking time off of work is so important, and not only did I take time off of my blog but I took time off of the show I work on so I really didn’t leave the house much over my holiday break. And I think staying cooped up inside just kind of drove me a little crazy. Once I started getting outside more I started to feel better. But the day I really started feeling like myself again was this Wednesday when I went back to work at Home & Family for the first time. Some of you may have seen on Instagram story that I did a story saying that I was feeling better and apologizing for being MIA for so long.
Anyway, all this got me thinking. Do I have a bit of postpartum depression? I’m not sure. I snapped out of it so quickly and getting out of the house and working again almost instantly made me feel better. Maybe it was a situational small bout of depression? I’m still not 100% but I’m MUCH better. Depression runs in my family so I’m very aware of it and it’s something that I’m constantly on the lookout for. I’ve seen what it can do to people and it’s absolutely devastating. Not only for the person experiencing it, but for their family as well. So I just want to do mental health checks with myself more often. Make sure I’m not only taking care of myself physically, but more importantly mentally. And sometimes the two of those things go hand-in-hand. So while I thought I didn’t have any New Year’s resolutions besides accepting myself, I actually think I do have one. And that’s making sure I’m taking care of my mental state in 2019. It’s so important and it’s something that I don’t want to forget.
Anyway, I feel like I’ve rambled a little bit in this blog. I just wanted to explain to you guys where I’ve been for the last couple weeks and be open about what I experienced. I encourage you guys to share your stories as well as you know I read all the comments on my blog and respond to most of them. I love you guys and I thank you for all the support and I’m hoping to move forward in 2019 refreshed and ready to connect with all of you on an even deeper level!